I wanna passion pit in your ass
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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