ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
