I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize