there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
