I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
