then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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