There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
