if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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