Jerry, you need to find god
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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