its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
