I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
