His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
