I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
