my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
