I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
