I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My penis needs a shock collar
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize