i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I skipped work to stalk him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
