I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
