i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what day is it and did you see me today?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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