probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize