cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
