Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
