Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
