Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
