Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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