so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
