I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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