3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
