god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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