I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
