Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
