I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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