3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
