you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
