your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My feet surprised me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
