I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize