I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
