I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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