cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
