that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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