Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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