no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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