I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we're making bets on your personal life
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
