I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
