you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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