Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
