Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
