white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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