I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
