as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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