So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
