Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
