walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
