Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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