You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
