i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
