This girl is more easily done than said...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
