Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize