This is not my ceiling
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
