So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
