I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
