She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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