Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
